It's the other closet and I'm coming out it. I'm not living in the shadows any longer - so brace yourself - here is the truth.
I'm not watching the super bowl tomorrow night because I just don't give a rat's tuchus about football. I never have and I never will!
There I said it out loud. So far my flat screen TV hasn't blown itself up.
It’s always been my closet problem because sports talk is the great male ice breaker. If I'm in an elevator with one other guy on a Monday morning the odds are good he 's going to say, " that was some game wasn't it?"
As a heterosexual who does not read the sports section I know that nothing brings out a guy's homophobia more than another guy replying, "sorry I don’t follow football."
If I answered honestly, it would be like responding to " boy its freezing out there" with "sorry I don’t follow the weather".
Instead I try to see what floor he pressed. If I only need to fill a few seconds I can usually just make a noise like Im blowing out a bunch of candles followed by a knowing sideways head nod and a smirk.
If I have to buy some more time I move my head around like one of those bobble head things people put in the rear window of their cars and continue the blowing sound with my teeth together for a little variety. Seconds later the guy walks out thinking he just had conversation with another guy about football when in fact he did not.
So tomorrow night is approaching. Might be a good time for politicians about to be indicted to hold a live press conference on c-span because I'd be the only one watching.
